Parenting, in any situation, is a tough gig. Parents work hard to create the environment they want to nurture their child to becoming a thriving, capable adult. This environment includes encouragement, love & guidance or discipline and parents work hard to balance the structure to meet the needs of both (all) parents involved in raising their child.
In my home there is only one parent- and you might THINK that makes things easier- except for a few things… Because my kids have complex medical needs, they have nursing care provided at home & in the community during many of their activities. You know how Dad may have a rule that’s SUPER important to him & he may feel like he has clearly defined that rule- until Mom is out with him at a cookout & lil Johnny is flat out performing “the act” while Mom laughs about it with her friends?? (or vice versa) Well, envision THAT times 5. Why 5? That is the number of people, in addition to me, who directly supervise my kids on a weekly basis.
I agree that what the nurses do for my kids is not “parenting” them, but they DO “toe in” to that “pool” I’ve crafted which is supposed to bathe my kids in enthusiasm, kindness, grit & motivation. Consistency is just not a word which describes this life.
“Parenting” as a Team Sport
A First Glimpse Undersea
Our family is so thankful to Massachusetts Eye & Ear Infirmary- yes, for their provision of life-saving medical intervention for my twins, as well as my youngest, but also for their continued caring & support to our family beyond the walls of their hospital. When I wanted to take my kids to the New England Aquarium, cost has always been prohibitive for a single Mom headed household of 5. I asked the hospital if they ever got passes for their patients and they found a way to help my children to experience the sights & sounds of their first adventure with undersea creatures. It was a HUGE hit with my children & a gift for me that we could go. Thanks again MEEI.
Photo Shoot
Even with our limited personal resources, our family has been thrilled about the opportunity to give back to the hospitals that give my kids such wonderful medical care. We went to a commercial shoot for Boston Children’s Hospital, where my youngest is featured at the close if the TV commercial, as well as appearing in the Boston Globe. It has been thrilling for her.
About 10 days ago, we were able to participate in a photo shoot on the Boston Common for Massachusetts Eye & Ear Infirmary. This hospital performed the life-saving tracheostomy placement for my older daughter & have provided skilled ongoing care & airway/ neck surgeries for each of my 3 youngest. Here is a glimpse at the fun we had that day. We can’t wait to get the pro shots!
Sticking the Landing
I guess traveling this trach journey is complex and busy and adds some limits to our lives on the day-to-day. Many of our docs want us to rush toward decann – I cannot TELL you how many docs have the “Get it out. Get it out. Get it out.” mantra on their letterhead… And, I am in FULL and complete agreement that THIS is our plan- but I am not willing to rush it at any risk.
Currently, my son demonstrates regular difficulty breathing- his resting respiratory rate is in the mid to high 20s, while his sister rates in the teens. Last night, after an afternoon visit by a friend and spending time outside playing [mild/moderate activity bursts…] for less than an hour, he had a very high Respiratory Rate (RR) through dinner and into evening nebs- high 30s/low 40s while seated. At one point he began to look “dark” [his version of blue…], complaining of headache and his sats were hovering in the mid-80s [84-87 bounces] until I began running the hypertonic saline off oxygen. He had just had an albuterol/atrovent duoneb and should have been really “opened up”, but the fatigue of the day caught up with him and he was not moving oxygen efficiently. After nebs, his RR continued to be high, with lower sats than normal on 1L* versus his normal 0.5 … While in bed, even after falling asleep, I continued to get RRs in the 40s while he satted 96% [his norm is 98-100 while on 0.5L oxygen]. After a couple dips and continued high RR, I increased his Liter flow to 1.5L and he finally seemed to rest more comfortably. I am MOST thankful our docs know that Trachboy does not indicate any readiness to have his trach removed at this time.
With regard to Trachgirl, she breathes with a pretty normal rate for age with her trach in place, across all activities. She has higher energy than her brother and sister, but still not nearing typical for her age- and she does show some heat intolerance, although tolerates outdoor temps much better than her brother. She passes the “screening” pressure for the Passy Muir Valve [speaking valve] to be used, without modification, although increased pressure [above limits] was noted while speaking [seated on a bed]. She also once passed a momentary test for simulated capping [capping blocks air into and out of trach & requires a person to breathe through their upper airway]. Because of this, she is the child some docs want on a faster track to decann- altho our surgeon has told us for YEARS she would need more extensive surgery to get there. Our surgeon seems to have agreed to the “team” plan [not including me] of working to fast-track her to a capping trial, without surgery for the collapse at her trach stoma. This type of plan has been my 100% reason to keep our ENT at a separate hospital- because it is out of character for him to “experiment” versus repair…
The data I have? Trachgirl tolerates the PMV for about 45minutes consistently. She regularly has oxygen desaturation during use of her speaking valve, especially if she is moving around playing. She slows down, or sits down, and asks to have it removed- saying she feels like her “stomach is heavy”… I continue to collect the data to share with the team- primarily through nursing notes of time tolerated and events. The docs may be concerned that I am not running with them to make this leap for my child. I guess sometimes they lose focus that: It’s not the jump you have to worry about; it’s the landing.
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* Oxygen flow is defined in its rate: Liters per minute. Tav typically is on 0.5L/0.5Liters per minute of flow, all day every day.
Cellulitis
If there were not enough reasons for us to stay mostly inside this summer, we can add another: cellulitis. Youngest got bit by a bug on her arm and it swelled up quite a bit pretty fast. By the next day, about half her forearm was swollen and there was a red patch 2.5 inches by 1.5 inches. It was itchy and she complained of pain but no fever and it seemed pretty stable at that size so we watched it on Friday. Saturday morning, she awoke a bit crabby. She sat down to eat breakfast and complained about her arm. The swollen area had doubled in size and the redness was spreading down into her wrist and up to her elbow. Made it to the Saturday pedi hours and got her on antibiotics, which finally seem to have gone to work as of today.
Good thing we have her on Vitamin D…
Summer Bummer
Here we are nearing 4pm on a day I have 15 hours of nursing. You might think this would be the day I get tons of things done, get my groceries, do something fun. Well, today I was supposed to meet a new nurse- but she cancelled. Then we were considering going to a museum on the coast- regardless of how anxiety-provoking that is…
While getting the kids ready to go, the oxygen man arrived. We delayed un-dressing & re-dressing until he concluded his 45min process of removing, refilling then resetting the twins’ oxygen tanks. As I began redressing my Youngest, I stepped down onto a large dog toy, lost my balance & went flying onto my back. Another hour gone trying to ice & make sure I could keep moving & keep the headache at bay that threatens each time I land akimbo.
Then there we are at lunch time. 40 minutes for my feeding disordered Trachboy to eat a half cup of yogurt. 15 minute break at the table so we can get peanut butter formula in him so he has calories & more fluids for mid-day. Then I am tired. The idea of packing a car with suction, oxygen, portable oxygen, transferring the twin stroller versus the triple since there are 2 adults & my back is tweaked… The idea of going ANYWHERE complex medical family/ trach-style EXHAUSTS me. Sure there are errands I need to run- the packing & re-packing’s not worth that.
So the nurse & I sit & try to come up with ideas. The movies? No rated G movies are out right now. Bowling? ICK! Community shoes, seats, computers & balls? No thank you, never. The bookstore? The nearest one: “Leather & Lace” does not really seem like my sort of family adventure… B&N is 25-30 minutes away in 3 directions. Sure, it’d be fun, but I can’t afford to buy books this week while paying off the electric & gas that’re overdue & “on notice”.
EVERYTHING outdoor is out. The heat today is “wilting” for a ‘normal’ family. Add trachs, reactive airways, preemie lungs & the added bonus of “heat intolerance” as low as 70 degrees & every outdoor activity is out until September. Cooler temps at the beach? Sand, water & crowds are not our family friend either.
No wonder we rarely go anywhere. Fall is definitely better when it gets cool- but then there’s flu & RSV to avoid. Not really having a good day.