When I was younger I was given a book by a friend called “Do It Anyway” by Kent Keith. In it he details the Paradoxical Commandments; the first two are as follows:
“People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.”
“If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.”
I live my life by many of the principles he described within his book and am reminded almost daily of these first two- today was no exception. I find that no matter how well people purport knowing me, they certainly never seem to get why I have adopted from foster care, and why I care to again. They misunderstand my relationship to my children and cannot fathom why I do what I do.
I love my children. People who regularly read my blog may understand this, but some people do not understand loving a child who was not grown within you. I cannot explain it to those who do not understand; I can only say that I feel the same love & protectiveness for all my children, biological and adopted. I have always known I wanted to mother multiple children and that some of these children would be adopted.
As a mother of children with complex medical needs, there are challenges- daily – but these do not diminish how I feel about my children. They are not the only events in my children’s lives, but they are often what I write about. WHY is that? Because I tend to have more to write about things which challenge, things which are unsettled, things to which I need give more thought. In no way does this mean that all there is in our lives is challenge. It may be that you read about every challenge we have- and I write only twice or so weekly. So much of my time is spent living and enjoying that I don’t get a chance to write more often.
To get back to where I began, nearly every day we come into contact with someone who represents some part of the first portion of Paradox 1 “People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered” – sometimes that person is even US! But we keep on. We continue to reach out, develop friendships, take risk, love. Thankfully it is often worth the effort to us- because the feeling or support is returned. Even when it is not, it is worth the effort, because without the risk, there would be no return.
The second Paradox, describes the way I live every aspect of my life: “If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.” It is the paradox of my career path as well as my family life. There will be those who judge whatever I do. People will think I try to gain attention or acclaim, or have some other self-serving motive, but I will continue to “Do good anyway”.
I parent my children because they are my children. The good that I do serves no purpose other than its needing to be done- for my children, for their future, for my own fulfillment. It is my own purpose. Judge away: it will not change me. I will continue to “Do good anyway“.
To read the complete list of Paradoxical Commandments, please go to Dr. Kent M. Keith’s website at: http://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com/