Socratic Sunday
“Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued.”
– Socrates
Archive for the ‘Family’ Category
Chasing
My kids are 6.5, 6.5 & 5.2 years old. They have never been to a parade. They have seen Macy’s parade on Thanksgiving & a bit of the one’s on New Year’s but have no real concept that everyday people actually go to & SEE these things in person. Having preemies that include twins with trachs, and a 5 year old with her own respiratory issues, fall & winter & early spring are times spent hunkering down away from germs, versus being out attending events. Group activities like parades or fairs never make the cut as “worth the risk” when thinking about my kids vulnerabilities.
As we began talking about Thanksgiving, my son remembered the Thanksgiving parade we have watched the last few years. (We are not a TV-watching family. TV is an ‘event’ in our home- so fairly memorable.) He asked if the parade was going to happen on Thanksgiving again- perseverative question cycles are a daily occurrence. I told him that it would be on and since that day about a week ago, he has checked in about 3 or 4 thousand times on the topic. (Thank you Autism)
I checked our town website and found out WE have a Veteran’s Day parade & that it was early Sunday afternoon. It happened to fall between all the multiple medical treatments that make up our life as a family with 3 complex medical kiddos, and it seemed reasonable to delay lunch to make it happen. He & his sister’s were excited to be going to see their first parade.
We drove downtown because my kids fatigue levels are way too high to make a half mile walk. By the time we parked, packed the stroller, got my 2 weakest kids buckled in, it was very near time for the parade to start. Altho it was just a short walk to the firehouse, it took us until 1:01p to get there. Yep. ONE MINUTE after the parade began. They saw the veteran’s on motorcycles and the fire engine that were the tail end of the parade. We tried to catch up- I put my other child on my shoulders so I could walk briskly while pushing the other 2. They saw the backs of our high school marching band…
Basically, my kids ALMOST saw their first parade this weekend.
But they enjoyed themselves anyway.
Sandcastle by the Sea
My kids have been to the beach a few times. Sand and water are not a great accompaniment for a trach so we typically go only after it has rained- to make the sand wet and less of a flying powder. Also, my kids have put their toes in the ocean but we give it plenty of distance because we know how each wave can be bigger than the last. Today we went to the beach to remember our friends who have died- to “send off a wish” as my youngest calls it. To remember and to hope for peace for our friends’ families, while creating some peace for our own.
Today was perfect beach weather for my kids: cool enough & cloudy enough to keep crowds of people away, moist sand after a night’s rain, cool damp air to enhance the moisture of their breath into their lungs. We parked the oxygen tank, found “wishes” and threw them into the sea. The waves covered the bottom of their boots and frightened Trachboy, so we retreated to the wet sand and built my kids’ first ever sand castle. It was a wonder to them and magical for me- I’ve never felt that comfortable with all that sand and water with my trachees. We needed today’s magic to bolster us through the week ahead. Hoping the peace stays with us a while.
A Second Helping
This weekend we got to go to pick apples again. It was a different event than the peaceful, leisurely outing of last year. Apparently, every weekend is a festival weekend at the apple farm. This weekend was also their community craft fair which made things EXTRA BUSY.
The highlights were the 3some enjoying their first “tractor ride” on a trailer pulled behind a red tractor – the DUSTIEST experience of my trached twins’ lives- & picking a GIANT bag of apples to bring home for making Gallettes and drying to eat for snacks. We will be needing to add some recipes to our repertoire in order to use all these up! Feel free to add some recipes in the comments- I can usually modify things to meet our grain-free diet. Enjoy our photos.
What Dr. Mom Ordered
After a stressful week of chasing down records for a medical appointment at a new medical center, THIS is JUST what the Doctor Mom ordered:
As you were. We are watching our groundhog baby friend explore our yard. Got to go.
How it is Done
The number one question I get from others: “How do you do it?” If you want to know the specifics, you can read about one of the typical days here. But most people are really asking “How do you get ALL of it done? How do you keep going, day in & day out? Where do you get the strength to get up each morning and ‘have at it’?”
My standard short answer is: I just DO. And sometimes not very well… but when it’s a person who really cares, who may have the same things they need to do every day, who might be feeling like they cannot keep on “doing”, I try to give it more thought. Here’s how I think I get through each day:
I am aware of the “big picture” but I work to not get bogged down by the overwhelming list of things, start to “finish”, of every day. I try not to look at everything ahead all of the time- if I do it will quickly overwhelm me. I try to keep really focused on getting the next thing done. I try to remember I am only one person, I can do one thing at a time. I am bad at cutting myself some slack but I have worked to get better at it.
Probably, most importantly, I try to spend part of every day ‘being present’ – noticing what my child or children are doing. Remembering that they have each other for the future. Really watching & experiencing the wonders they really are- looking at how far they have come, the love they show for each other, caring for others. It helps to remind me that, altho I sometimes have a bad day/ horrible parenting moment, my kids really seem pretty ok- sometimes bratty or crazy in their own rite- but then they show me who we really are as a family. Sometimes, when I ready to leave for the grocery store and the twins hug me & say I love you, they call for their sister who they give the same. Something about your 4yo blowing kisses to her sibs to say goodbye, waving & yelling “I LOOOOOVE YOU!” back thru the door- it just lifts you. Days are harder when I don’t have the time to ‘notice’- and sometimes there are lots of those. There is a great blog post about parenting. It’s not exactly about my experiences, but it’s a good reminder to all parents- a quick summary is that we will look back & be happy to have parented, even if not every moment going through feels all that wonderful. (Huffington has that post here)
I always close EVERY day singing “Love You Forever”, 1-to-1 with each kid. And they sing back in their own way- they actually have become good at it. Its my way of telling them, no matter what, at the end of the day, you are the love in my heart- and you always will be.
And whenever I need a reminder of what it’s all about, why it is that I do what I do, I only need look here:
Basekamp Laundry Mountain 